Wednesday, February 07, 2007

How to prepare for a Mammogram-guys can read

Must write this for all my friends/family who have had mammograms or known someone who has! I found this in a book I am reading by Barbara Johnson a humorist
The Mammogram
This is an xray that has its own name because because no one wants to actually say the word "breast". Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should be fine. Most breasts, however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular, so they are woefully unprepared. But youcan prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises.

Exercise 1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the bookends and Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat this three times daily.
Exercise 2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machineand start cranking. Repeat twice daily.
Exercise 3. (advanced only please): Situate yourself comfortably on you side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, have your hubby slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on other side.


Molly Malone said...

EeeOW! I've heard they hurt, but damn! This does not make me look forward to my baseline in a few years.

Joe Tornatore said...

okay, I have been doing the bookend test for two days now. It seems like my breasts got caught in a BIND.

Zelda Parker said...

A good laugh, thanks. Did I tell you I am scheduled finally for my annual torture test. The strange part is that I cannot wait, humm. What does that say?

mommanator said...

molly-it does hurt BUT it does [revent us gals from having cancer that kills us.
joe-you exercise enough you should be able to get them bound!
zelda-you're welcome, you should be looking forward to it, and I still need to schedule mine kick me in the keester!

Also folks I could add some to the exercise routine, but I stillhave to know if it was a man who invented it and I am gonna invent one for his p----

Evil Chicken said...

“When you give the signal, have your hubby slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on other side.”

: )

mommanator said...

OOOOOOOOOO Evil I thought you cared about me!

Merci said...

And the bigger they are, well... you can think up the rest...